I want to be married. What should I do?

Recently I was sitting with a youth pastor and a 20 something year old leader said, “I want to be married. What should I do?” This is what he told him. (This is more for the guys but this will give helpful insights to the women out there!)

1. Pray for your wife. Even if you haven’t met her yet you should start preparing now.

2. Serve other women. Not to get something out of them or to date them but to genuinely serve women with no strings attached. This will help combat selfishness…..let’s face it….we all need help in this area. It will also prepare you because marriage is all about serving someone else (if you want a lasting healthy marriage that is). Marriage is difficult as it is so you want this to be an area that is instinctual and not something you have to work at. Waiting to serve someone until you get married will strain the relationship. This is an area you'll want to have a lot of practice at already.

3. Women need to feel safe and secure….financially, relationally, spiritually, etc. This is one of the major needs of a woman so if you are a 4 in one area….be a 10 in another. Get out of debt, have a savings. She needs to be able to tell you anything and still feel safe with you that everything is ok. She will look to you to be the spiritual leader of the household so you need to be able to not only lead yourself well but also her. A good woman will be paying close attention to how you conduct yourself around others because she knows this is how you will eventually treat her.

4. Encourage women. Both men and women need to know they are doing good, that they are doing something right. Even if they don’t do everything right encourage the good things. If you are always nagging or telling someone they are doing something wrong then they won’t want to be around you. Everyone needs to be raised up. You have the power to fuel or squelch her cares, her dreams and ultimately who she is as a human being.

5. Women want to be adored. They thrive off of genuine love….it makes them feel secure. Tell her, “you are amazing and ‘this’ is why.”

6. Be vulnerable. Share personal memories. Instead of bringing her to an expensive restaurant, bring her to a place that has meaning for you. “This is the pizza place my father always brought me to and it has special memories for me."

7. Do something that requires help. Be active. Coach a soccer team, serve at your church, be apart of something bigger than yourself. Women are helpmates so if you don’t have anything going on there is nothing for her to help with.

8. Ask her what she likes. Her favorite music, food, clothing, movie, restaurant, writer, etc. and remember it or write it down, that way as time passes you can give her what she loves and she will adore you for remembering.

9. Never flip out on a girl. Even if she gets emotional or raises her voice never yell or get emotional on her. Respond with gentleness, patience and understanding.

Let me know what you think. Has this helped you?

#love #men #women #relationships #dating advice #help